Charity in Speech

Charity in Speech is a virtue I have consciously struggled with since mid-college. I find myself getting worked up in moods and start rambling into all these "I want...." or "I hate...." or "She should...." conversations. Notice how they start with "I" or are about someone?

I am judgemental and I say terrible things outloud.

I know what I want, and most of the time I am not afraid to ask you for it.

I don't speak in a nice tone when I think you're in idiot or don't do things how I want. Or I am so passive aggressive that I am as cold as an iceberg.

I am the first to complain about someone else, but if you dare judge me - watch out!

For a long time, I really blamed my hormones or tried to cover my "moods" with Prozac. Disaster. This is a beast that I, and only I, must own up to, claim, and tame.

Time to time over the last decade, I've recognized these characteristics in myself but never took the time to find the root of it all nor actively do anything about it. Yesterday I confided in Eric that I need someone to help call me out when I am being mean/cold/standoffish/bitchy/rude/selfish/inconsiderate/roadrage-ish. He admitted that I do get like that sometimes - and that most people probably don't see it, but to others, especially my family & close friends (my most frequent victims) it probably hurts. My mother even called me out and told me just how rude I was to Eric's parents the other day.....ooops!

Speaking of....The other huge area in which I am struggling is where to find my place/balance in my relationship with my MIL. My mother, the queen of "shut up and ignore it", has told me to simply do that; that anything else will make it worse. Other friends have told me I need to dish it back; while others have told me to have a nice "feelings" talk with her. While the "shut up and take it" method requires zero confrontation, I fear I will continue to find myself in humiliating circumstances when I am with her. I also know that if I dish it back, I will NEVER win. She fights dirty. So, I am left with confronting her....um, right. So hopefully post-wedding less-stress for all of us will bring some peace. I might have Eric talk to her a little?? Ugh. I know I am NOT alone in this, and for this, I'd love a little help? Please?


Okay. So there we have it. I am a bitch and I know it. I am working on it. Praying about it. Asking for guidance and your prayers too!