My late-night thoughts on cold medicine

Some say "non-drowsy" in big letters, other in small letters, some say may cause drowsiness and before you can screw the lid back on you're asleep, while others say the same, but don't affect you, yet some labels say nothing at all. As I was laying awake last night (thank you, Robitussin), I devised a new labeling system for cold medicines

 Please follow along:

 Old Label - New Label

Drug: hydrocodone

Old Label: May Cause Drowsiness

New Label: May cause you to sleep through a natural disaster

Drug: NyQuil, Benadryl, Dramamine

Old Label: May Cause Drowsiness

New Label: Could sleep on a plane / next to snoring spouse

Drug: Advil, Tylanol

Old Label: Nothing

New Label: N/A

Drug: Robitussin Cough & Chest Congestions

Old Label: Non-Drowsy 

New Label: Prevents you from falling asleep at night

Drug: Advil Cold & Sinus (the behind the counter kind)

Old Label: Non-Drowsy

New Label: Gives you the jitters and helps you do everything you need to do all day and helps you to do it really really really really fast. All with puffy eyes. Caution: Do not mix with coffee

Drug: Tylenol PM

Old Label: Sleep Aid

New Label: May cause you to sleep like a rock  -OR- keeps you awake all night with leg twitches so bad that you are now angry and fighting a tension headache

Any others I'm missing?

Ah yes, Mucinex D (thank you Sarah!)

Drug: Mucinex D

Old Label: nothing

New Label: May cause you to drink so much water that you spend half your day in the bathroom peeing. But hey, there's no congestion. Anywhere.